Somerset Seasons

Wednesday Evening Musings

2009-12-16T17:03:00.005Z

my tree

its dark, its very cold, and we have had snow this afternoon. It didnt settle, the ground was too wet, and it didnt fall for long- an hour or so, but it did make me feel christmassy. the flakes were huge, drifting slowly down, in no hurry to meet the wet ground and be no more. It brings out the child in me, watching snow fall, its so magical.

I am on the mend. I am not mended yet, but a lot better than I was. My breathing isnt great, I am using my inhalers a lot, and I am still very congested. When I blow my nose my ears really hurt. But my headache has gone- finally. Thats so debilitating, it lasted for 4 days and I am so relieved its gone. I have to return to work tomorrow, I dont get paid if I am not there, and Ive lost enough wages this week already. Right before christmas too. Ive told my boss I wont be doing the planned 12 hours shift though- that would be stupid after an illness.

My house looks so christmassy now, the tree is up, see above (earlier than I normally do) and the mantlepiece decorated. I have a candle lit- apple and cinnamon, -and a Clannad CD playing softly. I am having a restful quiet afternoon/evening before work tomorrow. I still have some christmas shopping I need to do, being poorly for nearly a week has really held me up, but its just one of those things. I will have to make sure I do it all on saturday, including getting feed and straw for my hens too. I will try to get my seasonal patchwork finished- I am behind with that too, now, but no one plans to be poorly! I have finally written and posted off a pile of cards though, thats one little task ticked off, and something I could do while sitting and resting. Its a nice task too, I always write cards with a proper ink pen, and I think it really makes a difference to the writing. Its nice to do it properly, not just a quick scrawl with a biro.

george is coming up to 14 weeks old now. he's so gorgeous- I love him soo much! Its his first christmas and it is, apparently- very exciting! I've deliberately not put many decorations around the bottom of the tree, and then mainly wooden ones that arent breakable! here's a few snaps of him, no doubt there will be many more of him over the festive period.

a couple more pics. This was a couple of days ago. I cant remember now if it was sunday or monday- I've spent so much time asleep this week it all blurred into one! the sky was lovely though. it was very early, I was checking the hens- (before returning to bed) and the sky and still visible slither of a new moon just drew my eyes upwards...

and finally- remember my hyacinths i started and put in a cupboard a while back- we'll they are liberated from the dark now, and I am looking forwrd to them bloomin in the flat cold days of january, a hint of the springtime and rebirth/ new growth to come...

monday musings

2009-12-14T17:34:00.006Z

Just a brief post for today- Sorry I havent been around much the last few days.

the bad news is that Ive been poorly and asleep a lot, and I am still poorly. I knew I felt rough on friday/ saturday, but thought it was just a cold. Its certainly a virus of some kind. I keep falling asleep, I ache, I hurt, I am shivery, too hot or too cold, thumping pounding head, cant eat etc... you get the picture.
The good news- is that its this week I am poorly, and I'll be fine by yule/christmas week next week. See, trying to look on the bright side-glass half full, me!!

We have snow forecast for tomorrow here, so its good I will be at home and not have to trundle to work in it.(another silver lining to poorliness)As is curling up under a throw with a cat or several! My daughter came home from work at lunchtime, poorly too, and is now asleep on the sofa. I hope she hasnt caught this from me. I doubt she will be going to work tomorrow, she is red hot to touch.

One bright thing- take a look at this pic, you'll need to enlarge it, its a screen shot from my local weather site, that predicts a white christmas for my little town here! Who knows whether it will actually happen, but its been a good while since we've had a white christmas, so it would be nice if the Gods obliged!

saturday musings part two

2009-12-12T16:05:00.012Z

well, I dashed to town very early despite the headache and cold, (thank you to my wonderful chauffeuring son, willing to get up early on his weekend, with only minimal grumbling!!) Sensible lad that he is, went and bought a paper and waited for me in the car- he enjoys shopping even less than I do!

I did do quite a few of the gifts - I had a pre-prepared list to avoid having to browse too much. I returned this shopping to the car, then I headed to the supermarket. EEK! shopping hell!! and I bet its even worse next saturday. I was in, around and out within 45mins. Bearing in mind it was heaving with people, and the checkout queues were building quickly, that was pretty good going. Some people seem to treat it as a 'day out', as if its fun? They are, in my opinion, very odd!! I had had enough by then too. I have now done nearly all that we needed in the way of groceries/ provisions, with just the last minute fresh stuff to pick up on the 23rd (I am working xmas eve).

We were home at 11.2o, not bad at all! A good hot cuppa, and hot buttered crumpets with my home made plum jam went down so well, and after more cold medicines, I took Sammydog out.

Its been very chill all day. Even in the very bright sunshine of earlier, the air was bitter, and the wind quite vicious. We didnt stay out too long, he feels the cold like I do. Its warm indoors, and as the day begins to fade out to early evening, and the curtains are shut against the growing blackness, and lamps turned on, its snug and cosy. I still miss my fire, but never mind, it will get done one day. I cant work miracles.

I am not feeling great again now, colds always seem to feel worse as night draws closer, and my throat is so sore again too. I am cold and shivering even though the house is warm, and I'm buried in layers of jumpers, fingerless gloves and thick cosy socks. But despite my temporary poorliness I am content that christmas is now a 'works in progress' and no longer 'a crisis!'

One really good thing- that put a smile on my cold ravaged face!!....
look what I found!!
I spotted him in a shop window this morning. he is wooden, about ten inches tall, in a lovely chocolate brown coat, - much more Good King Wencelas than the jolly fat red Santa that I am trying to avoid. Much more the type of santa I am seeking.
frustratingly, he looks very two dimensional here, he isnt though, but the details havent shown up on the photo.

saturday musings

2009-12-12T07:13:00.006Z

dood mornig

Of course that should be good morning, but I am absolutely full of cold, and it all comes out funny!

Its flippin typical, Just when I am at my busiest, and need to be ok. its bad enough I am limping from my silly foot.

I had my flu jab late wednesday afternoon. This started on thursday and I did wonder at first if it was a reaction to, or due to the jab. My arm was hot and achey, and then the sniffles began... (Or it could be that I picked up the cold germs in the docs waiting room- always one of the germiest places on earth I think!!) Just what I needed with a ten hour shift on thursday, and a full day yesterday.

By yesterday morning it had escalated so much- pounding head, alternate blocked nose/ streaming nose, and sore throat. Ive slept badly the last two nights, as I cant seem to lay down/ sleep/ breathe all at the same time (rolls eyes) I dosed myself up and trundled into work. My nose is shiny red, all I need is antlers for a very passable impression of rudolph!

its that dilemma- do you stay away from work and your colleagues and keep germs to yourself- or go in, because you know that if you dont there's no one to cover you, and your colleagues will really struggle because we are understaffed anyway and with one less team member it will be impossible? tough call sometimes, but we are so incredibly busy, I couldnt leave them in the lurch, and they were glad I didnt. I spent the day constantly washing my hands, and using sanitiser though.

So, I feel rough, but it is just a cold, and despite feeling pretty awful, my spirits are ok. I will dose myself up and just get on with it (and keep fingers crossed it doesnt go to my chest) I must go christmas shopping - I absolutely have to. Less than 2 weeks now, and I am running out of available days- ( I am working extra hours next week again.).

So, while the kettle boils for another fortifying cup of tea,(oh how I love my tea!) I am writing a list-what I really really must remember (how a cold fogs the memory!) and what I really really must get done today. The sooner I go, the sooner I can come home, (how I love being at home) curl up under a throw, with a cat or six and a Sammydog to cuddle. With a brandy laced hot chocolate, my sewing (still trying to get it done before christmas!) and the kleenex nearby!

more later..

fridays dawn..

2009-12-11T18:47:00.003Z

thursday musings

2009-12-10T09:59:00.006Z

I am not usually here at this time on a thursday! I'm not starting work until 12noon today, and I'm having a cuppa and a restful pootle around the internet as it will be a long day once I get there!

At this time of year, over the last few years, I have rambled on about red santa's. For anyone who's interested (or has too much free time on their hands!) here's the links to those 4 posts!

here

here

here

and here!

I havent found any this year, well not exactly. Ive found several cross stitch charts for wonderful santa's in greens and purples, which I hope to stitch one day, and I saw a glorious tapestry cushion of a green santa on a snowy background of fir trees and deer, but it was way out of my budget range sadly.

and then I did find this one! He doesnt exactly have longevity, I dont expect he'll even make it to New Year! but he is in green, so I had to have him!!

If anyone spies any green Santas's, or other colours, (at an affordable, reasonable price) in UK online shops pleeeeease let me know! Its unlikely I'll get to any large shopping centres in the last two weeks before xmas, but online shopping is a possible!!

looking at those links to previous posts, I see I asked this last year too! I also said I would paint some of my red ones, ho hum, well maybe for next year!

can someone please remind me of this next summer please, so I might then have time to do it!! :-)

wednesday musings

2009-12-09T19:58:00.011Z

blimey! it didnt rain today!... which was good because I had to go shopping. 'Had' is the important word there, for I havent started any christmas shopping yet! Ive been so busy, Ive had to do some extra hours at work, I am doing a ten hour shift tomorrow and its such exhausting work, too. When I havent been at work, Ive just wanted to hibernate at home with the animals, away from people. Ive been limping for weeks, its been hurting a lot and in the end, Ive had to go to the docs. Ive damaged the tendons in my foot, and as the day goes on each day, it hurts more. I was worried that the family genetic tendency to arthritis had kicked in as its been hurting a lot, but bloodtests have ruled that out for now. Ive been advised to stay off it as much as possible, and thats just not possible at all!

My heart just isnt really into Christmas yet, to be honest. I am worn out from work, and I dont like the crowds, the noise, the rubbish on sale in so many cases too. but despite my reluctance, I do have to provide a christmas for my family.

I know that once I clamber into the loft to get the decorations down , and dress my tree, I will start to feel more christmassy. Once Ive sat on the floor untangling fairy lights and replacing bulbs I will feel more christmassy (How do they do that? they get put away carefully but always seem to emerge a year later tangled up!) Once Ive made mince pies, and can smell them cooking- (the mincemeat I made earlier smells wonderful now) I will feel more christmassy. When the house smells of cloves and cinnamon, of christmas baking and everything on my to-do list has been ticked off!

I will feel more christmassy once I finish work on christmas eve lol!

in the meantime, I went shopping -in a limping, reluctant sort of fashion. I couldnt resist a street seller though...hence the photo above, my bah humbug hat modelled convincingly by Sammydog!

I did do quite well,. and feel happier now that Ive made a start on the necessary shopping. I can only shop until I reach the max of what I can carry- there's a bus ride and then a 15 minute walk home.

I did save the last 15 mins before the bus for the charity shops, and I did buy just the one thing- and only £1.99, how could I resist?
I had to bring this little cat home!

She's beautiful- with a carved and handpainted wooden face, stripey stockings, velvet boots, a stuffed soft body, and such a sumptious dress. She is much lovelier than she looks here, and I smiled so when I saw her.

talking of little cats, look how my little trouble is growing!!

stunning dawn.

2009-12-08T07:57:00.002Z

this mornings daybreak.... the Gods are in the heavens I think....

click to enlarge...

a thought for tuesday

2009-12-08T07:13:00.000Z

I like this one, wise words I think!

See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little.
~Pope John XXIII

a poem for monday

2009-12-07T07:29:00.002Z

Heap on more wood! — the wind is chill;
But let it whistle as it will,
We’ll keep our Christmas merry still.
Each age has deemed the new born year
The fittest time for festal cheer.
And well our Christian sires of old.
Loved when the year its course had rolled,
And brought blithe Christmas back again,
With all his hospitable train.
Domestic and religious rite
Gave honour to the holy night:
On Christmas eve the bells were rung;
On Christmas eve the mass was sung;
That only night, in all the year,
Saw the stoled priest the chalice rear.
The damsel donned her kirtle sheen;
The hail was dressed with holly green;
Forth to the wood did merry men go,
To gather in the mistletoe,
Then opened wide the baron’s hail
To vassal, tenant, serf, and all;
Power laid his rod of rule aside,
And ceremony doff’d his pride.
The heir, with roses in his shoes,
That night might village partner choose.
The lord, underogating, share
The vulgar game of “post and pair
All hailed with uncontroll’d delight
And general voice, the happy night
That to the cottage, as the crown,
Brought tidings of salvation down.
The fire with well dried logs supplied,
Went roaring up the chimney wide;
The huge hall table’s oaken face,
Scrubb’d till it shone, the day to grace,
Bore then upon: its massive board
No mark to part the squire and lord.
Then was brought in the lusty brawn,
By old, blue-coated serving-man;
Then the grim boar’s head frowned on high,
Crested with bays and rosemary.
Well can the green-garbed ranger tell,
How, when, and where, the monster fell;
What dogs before his death he tore,
And all the baiting of the boar.
The wassail round in good brown bowls,
Garnished with ribbon, blithely trowls.
There the huge sirloin reeked: hard by
Plum-porridge stood, and Christmas pie;
Nor failed old Scotland to produce
At such high tide her savoury goose.
Then came the merry masquers in,
And carols roar’d with blithesome din;
If unmelodious was the song,
It was a hearty note, and strong.
Who lists may in their mumming see
Traces of ancient mystery;
White shirts supplied the masquerade,
And smutted cheeks the visor made
But oh! what masquers, richly dight,
Can boast of bosoms half so light!
England was merry England when
Old Christmas brought his sports again.’
Twas Christmas broached the mightiest ale,’
Twas Christmas told the merriest tale;
A Christmas gambol oft would cheer
A poor man’s heart through half the year.

from Walter Scott’s poem 'Marmion'

this is only an extract of the whole poem-
anyone wanting to read more click

here..

sunday musings

2009-12-06T12:23:00.007Z

its an unexpected, but gorgeous day here in Dorset today. After a rainy start the sun has come out, and although very chilly, the sun is very welcome. For the first time in nearly two weeks, I have washing out on the line. Taking the opportunity while the sun shines, I have spent the morning taking the hen house apart for a deep clean. I now smell fetchingly of Jeyes Fluid lol, but I am content that the hens arent quite so muddy in there now, and are lovely, clean and snug. We have had deluge-proportions of rain in recent weeks, and this sunshine is so welcome in helping to dry up the mud out there. While I cleaned they happily scratched around unconfined for a change- I am looking forward to the Spring for their sakes, later light in the evenings, and more freedom for them. Another reason to look forward to the Spring is (hopefully) the arrival of a few more hens.

My sister had four chicks hatch three weeks ago- they are so gorgeous. I took these pics yesterday- and we are all really praying they are girls. The future is usually bleak for boy chicks. She has more eggs hatching as I type, and so far three have hatched, we are hoping that from the two sets, we can both have a few new little girl hens each in the spring.

After my recent so-sad trip to the vets with Harry, once I returned home, I took myself off outside for a while. It was raining, and tears and rain go well together. I had two empty blue tubs, and I filled them, and planted them with daffodils, (Late, I know, but they will catch up!) saying a prayer for Harry as I worked. In the spring the pain will have eased, and when these joyful trumpets open, I will remember him, and smile... another reason to look forward to the spring.

George also has had his trip to the vets, for his kitten vaccinations, "Expect him to be quiet for a day or so", said the vet. No chance!! he continues to run amok through the house, making me smile with his funny kitten antics, and Billy, his inner kitten rediscovered, is usually with him. the remaining 4 cats have pretty much accepted him now, hissing is much less common these days. He was playing peek- a- boo games with Pixie all last night. She sat in the basket, and he kept jumping up onto the rim, and then down again. later, he was in the basket, and she was outside...

Sammydog is doing ok, still having lots of fuss and love, he seems to have settled into his new single dog routines now..
Ive been keeping busy in the evenings last week. remember my christmassy fat quarters from a few weeks ago? well they are underway, heres a sneak preview of work in progress...

I'm also taking part in some xmas craft swaps, all anonymous as usual, and Ive made a stocking which will be posted off on wednesday. I cant show you yet, for fear of spoiling the surprise for the recipient, but I have taken pics for later. What I can show you is the lovely stocking I received through the post this week... its topped with velvet, and a velvet bow, and holly , golden bells, and the cutest little christmassy buttons and adornments that dont show up well in the photo. Someone has worked so hard on it, and I love it to bits.. If the very clever and lovely lady who made it for me is reading, thank you so much...

thats all for now, its 1pm and I still have so much to fit in to today, enjoy the sunshine if it blesses you too, back later!

thursday evening...

2009-12-03T21:15:00.003Z

Last Nights Full Moon

2009-12-03T07:33:00.003Z

... It was very cloudy, and raining most of the evening. These were the only pics I managed to get when the cloud broke fleetingly....better than none at all I guess!

George loves Billy!!

2009-12-03T07:08:00.002Z

How sweet are these pics?

I said before that Billy had 'adopted' George, and right from his arrival was friendly to him, when the others werent. George is a terror, always pouncing on him, climbing on him, wrestling him, stalking him (and everyone else!) but ever- patient Billy just takes it, occasionally putting George back in his place, always forgiving his misdemeanors! I am really proud of Billy, offering the paw of friendship when the others wouldnt!

These photos show what a lovely relationship they have, you can really see that George loves his Billycat!

wednesday musings part 2

2009-12-02T19:37:00.013Z

It rained heavily today.
Sammydog has been so quiet this week. Its been 5 days now, and he is still not himself. I guess it will take some time for him to adjust. Today was my day off, I was up and out early with him, determined to give him a fabulous taking-his-mind off-things walk. . December had other ideas. The sky was heavy, threatening, so I had put his waxed doggy coat on him, pulled my collar up against the cold and off we went. We hadnt been out long, maybe half an hour, when the clouds burst, and down it came. Such heavy rain. I was so glad I had put his coat on him, he does feel the cold. I had managed to take the four photos below before the rain intensified, and I had to put the camera away. The local hollies are laden with berries, some say its a sign of a harsh winter to come, i know dont if thats right or not, I just think its so beautiful, (its my favourite tree/ shrub) and a good source of food for the birds over winter.
At the rains' heaviest, we ducked into a dog friendly local cafe, and I had a hot chocolate while we waited for the rain to lessen. Half an hour later, the rain still constant, I decided we had to brave it and head quickly for home. I was soaked by the time we got home, and as I took his coat off him, Sammydog unexpectedly shook, and I had another soaking!

His walk wasnt the most relaxed, leisurely, lots-of-interesting smells walk I hoped it would be for him, but he really enjoyed his bowl of warm tea when we returned home!

Once dry, and any plans for gardening washed away with the deluge outside, I spent an hour in the kitchen. It helps to keep busy right now, it helps me not notice how much more quiet the house is without Harry.

wednesday musings-

2009-12-02T08:49:00.004Z

The loss of Harry is still raw here, we all miss him. The other animals though, have been such a comfort, so sweet, so funny, so cuddly, so naughty, they demand attention, they give love back, and that has been helping. Here's a selection of photos taken over the last few days...

finn and millie

george- trouble brewing!!

pixie- butter wouldnt melt!!

who, me?

Merlin, not pleased that Finn is in his favourite basket!

Sammydog,

He's behind you!!

Billy

Tuesday Musings

2009-12-01T07:52:00.004Z

thank you for all the lovely, and so very kind, comments left on my previous post. The house is very quiet without our Harrydog, he was a big dog with a very big personality, and he has left a huge void here. All of us are quiet, missing him,the tears still come when thoughts of him creep in unawares.
but I know it was the right decision, even though its so very hard right now.

I have little to write about, understandably. But I will post some photos of last nights stunning moon. She is almost full- tomorrow night she swells to fullness- and she was beautiful last night. We had our first proper frost last night- it was bitterly cold, and by the time I got home from work it had been dark for well over an hour and the hens had gone to bed. I still made them some warm supper though (porridge) , and took it down, and although quietly roosting by then, they all all stirred, and devoured the lot. I do think something warm in their tummies helps keeps them warm through a cold,cold night. Extra straw was stuffed in too, and i was happier knowing they were as warm as I could make them

This morning, my sons windscreen was white with frost, as were all the cars outside. it looked liked a light snowfall, glittering white and sparkly under the streetlights in the still dark morn. It took him a good 5 mins out there, scraping his windows clear, his warm breath swirling into the darkness as he did so.

frost on the shed

and then, as day chased away the night, the sky lightened in hues of pinks, and oranges. These dont last long, and now the sky is dull and very pale bluey grey

these were all taken this morning, but have uploaded out of sequence, arghh. I dont have time now to shuffle them about, I have to leave for work in a few minutes, but they give an idea of the arrival of dawn here..

Tears

2009-11-28T12:56:00.008Z

I am so very upset. Forgive me for being emotional, but those who have read here regularly will understand its how I am.

I have had my Harrydog put to sleep.

A truly difficult decision, but the time for difficult decisions had come, and if you do nothing else for your pet, you do owe them the right decision at the right time. Its still a devastating decision though, and we're all struggling with this , deep within our own grief. I type this with tears rolling down my cheeks.

So my Harry, my big beast of a spottydog has gone now. I stayed with him while it was done, sitting on the floor of the vets surgery, his head on my lap. I stayed there like that, for a good while after his heart had slowed to nothing, not wanting to go, tears flowing then too. And yet, it was the right time, the right decision. I am firm in my mind about that. Right for him, crap for us.

I am sorry, I can write no more, maybe in time, but not now. Please dont ask me for more, for my heart is breaking right now. Please- no poems about rainbow bridge and the like, for nothing will comfort me right now, only the passage of time will numb all this.

Pixie

2009-11-27T21:23:00.005Z

I did smile this morning. Pixie, as she often does, had jumped up on top of a door. Odd little thing that she is, she likes her vantage points!
Looking up at her, she wasnt alone, but was accompanied by her shadow - her spectral twin.

I took these two pics, one with flash that chased her twin away, and the other, without flash, that reveals her usually secret friend!

thursday musings

2009-11-25T11:27:00.006Z

The wind blew and bullied and blew all night tuesday night . On wednesday morning I came down to find 4 greenhouse panels blown right out. (They are polycarbonate) This was really surprising as my garden is actually very sheltered, surrounded by high fences and mature trees and hedges that you would think would act as a windbreak. I chose the polycarbonate over glass because I thought the garden was sheltered enough! ah well, you live and learn! anyway, three were in the garden, I couldnt see the 4th one. arghh! So, off I went, peering over neighbouring fences etc, and I did find it, standing upright right against a fence, as if hiding!

Now its only November. Yes, we have had amazing storms, gales, winds, and rainfall the last few weeks. much more than expected and the worst for 100 years by some media reports.The garden is saturated, in parts the ground has turned to mud, slushy, rotting leaves lay strewn everywhere. But it is only November, there's months of winter weather ahead, and being a realist, I cannot see how this wont happen again at some point over winter.

For now, I have popped the panels back in, as there's stuff in there that I dont want rained on. That was fun, up a ladder, being buffeted by the wind, lol. I added extra panel spring- clips everywhere, loads more, and secured them with 'triple strength waterproof external' duct tape as well, hopefully that will keep them all in for now at least. I need to think about this for a few days to decide the best thing to do.
thankfully this morning the wind has dropped, it sounds very still and quiet outside!

I also began the big tree tidy up.. I did some a few weeks ago, and more today. theres a huge pile of branches and tree limbs on the patio now, waiting to be sawn up and then stored for the time I get my chimney opened...

George was due to go to the vets for his kitten jabs, but thats now been postponed until the end of the week. So instead I caught a bus, met my daughter from work and we went to the cinema- (to see New Moon) the cinema was predominately female- fancy that! :-) Spending a few hours in the company of very handsome young vampires and werewolves isnt a bad way to spend a wednesday evening! I can think of a lot worse!

a thought for wednesday

2009-11-25T09:02:00.000Z

a tree is known by its fruits, a man by his deeds.
a good deed is never lost.
he who sows courtesy reaps friendship. and he who plants kindness gathers love

St Basil the great
329-379.

update

2009-11-24T18:43:00.005Z

thank you all for the kind get well messages. My headache lingered until lunchtime, and I had to take more tablets before it left me, but I am ok now after a morning definitely out of sorts and under par. the headache is gone but my head feels a little tender, bruised almost, where the headache was,if that makes sense. I spent the day sipping some lovely herbal teas, that helped too I think. I shall be having a lovely deep soak in a hot bubbly bath and an early night, both very restorative. thank you again for the caring comments. x

tuesday musings

2009-11-24T06:54:00.008Z

I woke with a headache, a stomach churning, skull-pounding, nausea causing headache. I had a disturbed night, the wind and lashing rain on my window holding me from sleep. George wasnt helping either, as he charged around, leaping on invisible foe in the dark of the night, bouncing on my bed, and off my bed, wideawake, nocturnal , excited by the wind outside. Sleep eluded me for the greater part of the night, and into that sleepless cavern crept pain. I folded my pillow over my head, cradling the ache within the softness, and tried to sleep. I did sleep eventually, but my headache did not drift away with that sleep. It was still there when i woke this morning, ridiculously early, and I sat there in the dark for ages, eyes closed, sitting so still so that it didnt hurt. I had to take some pills, washed down by several cuppa's. My eyes are sore, my head is delicate but I think they are working now. They need to work. I have to go to work...

Read the poem below. ...'Lean against the cold fridge'.... dont you just know how that feels. havent you all done that too?

Just another headache

I turn off lights,
turn down the ac
brew some coffee,
though I know it won’t help
I drink it anyway

I gasp for breath
(why does it seem like it's sucked from my chest?)
and brace myself
for another round of head-splitting pain.

I lean against the cold fridge
wishing my head would stop its pounding
(right here over my left eye,
and in the very back just to the right of center)
wishing the world would stop swirling
drinking this awful stuff
doctored with cream and sugar and asprin
hoping my stomach will stop fighting
taking a deep breath,
as if for courage more than anything else,
wishing that pounding, clattering, clacking noise
would just go away.

rubbing my temples, pressing as hard as I can
bent over, praying to God,
please, just let this pass.
sitting on the floor next to the vent
opening the buttons on my shirt
drinking the coffee
praying to God
willing this pain to go away.

it’s hot in here, this coffee is cold now
I just want to sleep
sleep will make everything better
and when I wake
(please God, don’t let me wake
if I wake, this will return tomorrow)
and when I wake,
I’ll wonder what was so bad after all?

by Julia Horton 2002

monday musings

2009-11-23T20:34:00.004Z

tomorrows the 24th November. eek! where did November go? Its only a month until christmas eve, and I am gloriously, stunningly, unprepared. lol! whats more, I dont really care!

yes, Ive made mincemeat and some nice preserves. Yes I plan some baking closer to the date- how i miss all my baking!

Yes, Ive bought cards to send (some gorgeous yule cards, and some christmas cards too, for those who dont know of my beliefs, for even in the 21st century sometimes we pagans still hide from some people!) The christmas cards I choose however, are always non committal- no nativity scenes, or particular words. I favour those with natural scenes, beautiful snowy trees for example, and the words 'seasons greetings'.

thats all Ive done. I havent made a christmas cake, or a christmas pud. There's no point-my children wont eat either, and its not worth it, in time or cost, just for me. A mincepie (or several) will do nicely instead. Not a gift has been bought yet, nor a list made, or anything else planned. Partly this is due to just not having enough time now for everything that demands time of me. (So frustraing!) and partly its a subconscious, or maybe even conscious, backlash against the rampant approach of 'commercial christmas'. I hate it with a passion,. the spend, spend mentality, the brainwashing, the extravagant consumption. I have no intention of spending more than I can afford, I will ensure my family have a good christmas, but that doesnt mean I have to mortgage the house to do so! We wont be eating/drinking to excess either, just because we could. We will have lovely food and some special treats, but all within reason. all that unnecessary excess just means the new year starts with depression and a diet!

I will be doing the small amount of shopping I need to do either online or in my small local highstreet. No-one needs to stockpile food the way the majority of people do, the shops, afterall, are only closed for one day, maybe two. shopping locally will suit me fine.

I have to work right up to christmas- probably until half past four on christmas eve, (Hopefully no later than that) and three extra evenings in the two weeks prior to christmas as well. So, a low key, restful christmas will suit me fine- i will be so tired by then. I will of course have my solitary observation of Yule, of the Midwinter Solstice, on the 21st- and that will hold special meaning for me.

its times like christmas its sometimes hard to be single, not to have that special someone to share moments with, to make memories with. it would be easy to dwell on that, but there's no point in that either, it achieves nothing. So Yule is mine and mine alone, and the few days of xmas will be spent with my children, my mum and my sis, with assorted furry companions, one of which will be seeing his first ever xmas tree... and just think of all the mayhem that could go with that....

Moon

2009-11-23T20:23:00.003Z

tonight's beautiful new moon

To The Moon

What have you looked at, Moon,
In your time,
Now long past your prime?"
"O, I have looked at, often looked at
Sweet, sublime,
Sore things, shudderful, night and noon
In my time."

"What have you mused on, Moon,
In your day,
So aloof, so far away?"
"O, I have mused on, often mused on
Growth, decay,
Nations alive, dead, mad, aswoon,
In my day!"

"Have you much wondered, Moon,
On your rounds,
Self-wrapt, beyond Earth's bounds?"
"Yea, I have wondered, often wondered
At the sounds
Reaching me of the human tune
On my rounds."

"What do you think of it, Moon,
As you go?
Is Life much, or no?"
"O, I think of it, often think of it
As a show
God ought surely to shut up soon,
As I go."

Thomas Hardy